"Carnac the Jaded," at McSweeney's Internet Tendency.

CARNAC: The novel as an art form; God; our nation's idealism in the face of disaster abroad.

ED McMAHON: The novel as an art form; God; our nation's idealism in the face of disaster abroad?

(Carnac opens the envelope and pulls out the card.)

CARNAC: Name three things that are dead forever.

ED McMAHON: Yes. Absolutely. That is absolutely right, Carnac.