Hedge Funds

Atrios breaks the year's most important story: Some alien force is kidnapping all of our hedge fund managers. For more, consult McSweeney's.

3. Your mother gives you x dollars to put gas in the family car. Your father gives you y dollars to get a haircut. You lose x + y dollars betting against your high school's undefeated football team. Explain to your familial investors how "that's life."